24: Mice, Mazes and Mindfulness
The first of these newsletters went out in 2005 and since then I've covered a number of themes. In this one I'd like to update a few of them.
Contents
1) Update on Article 19 - Being Kind to Yourself
2) Update on Article 6 - A Breath at a Time
3) And finally - Silent Retreats : Heaven or Hell?
1) Update on Newsletter 19
In Article 19 - Being Kind to Yourself - I suggested that "you focus on identifying what pulls you rather than what is pushing you; that instead of asking yourself "How can I 'make' myself more motivated to do ….?" you ask yourself some different questions.
For example :
"What does motivate me? What do I have energy for? How could I change my life so that I can do more of this and less of the 'shoulds'?"
Another, more psychologically 'technical', way of talking about this 'pull' and 'push' behaviour, would be to describe it as either 'approach-oriented' or 'avoidance-oriented'. In the original Article I was focusing on motivation. However, recently I came across some research that looked at the impact of these two orientations on creativity.
"A cartoon mouse was shown trapped inside a picture of a maze, and the task was to help the mouse find the way out. There were two different versions of the task. …..In the positive [approach-oriented version] there was a piece of Swiss cheese lying outside of the maze ………in the negative [avoidance-oriented version] the maze was exactly the same but instead of the .. cheese .. at the finish, an owl hovered above the maze, ready to swoop down and capture the mouse …..all … who took part ..solved their maze…….[but] when the participants later took a test of creativity, those who had helped their mouse avoid the owl turned in scores that were fifty percent lower than the scores of students who had helped their mouse find the cheese. The state of mind elicited by attending to the owl had resulted in a lingering sense of caution, avoidance and vigilance for things going wrong … [which] in turn weakened creativity, closed down options and reduced the students' flexibility in responding to the next task…… This is dramatic evidence that the avoidance system [of the brain] can narrow the focus of our lives, even when triggered by a purely symbolic threat"
from "The Mindful Way through Depression' by M. Williams, J. Teasdale, Z. Segal and Jon Kabat-Zinn
Another word for "a purely symbolic threat" could be fear.
So I'd like you to ask yourself the following questions :
1) What owls are hovering over the maze of your life at the moment? How much time and energy do you spend trying to avoid the things that you fear might happen? (Do you find yourself obsessing about them? Going over and over the same 'what ifs'?). How do you feel when you think about these threats? What impact does it have on your ability to think and live creatively?
2) If, instead of focusing on the threats, you focused on 'getting to the cheese' what would you be thinking about instead? What 'cheese' would you like to be spending your time and energy moving towards? What might the benefits of being a more creative and flexible thinker be?
2) Update on Article 6
In Article 6 - A Breath at a Time - I introduced Mindfulness of Breathing Meditation. In that Newsletter I said :
"It helps to free us from the 'knee jerk' reactivity which arises out of fear, anger, confusion and stress and to develop clarity, insight, awareness and peace of mind. Definitely a powerful stress management approach."
However, in addition to stress (and pain) management (see 'Full Catastrophe Living by Jon Kabat-Zinn)', mindfulness is now being used very successfully with people suffering from depression - as the book quoted above describes. I have a number of clients at the moment who are incorporating the development of a mindfulness practice/approach into the work they do with me.
According to the International Coaching Federation (but in my own words) :
"Coaching is a profession that supports personal and professional growth and development. It is forward moving and future focused. The emphasis is on action, accountability and follow through. Therapy, on the other hand, deals with healing pain and dysfunction where the focus is often on resolving difficulties arising from the past which hamper an individual's emotional functioning in the present.".
In reality, the factors that can hinder our "growth and development" may well be linked to past 'pain and dysfunction' which, at the least, may negatively impact our confidence, our perception of what is possible for us and our willingness to take action/initiate change.
In my experience, some clients choose to come into coaching for exactly the same reasons that others may decide to have counselling/therapy. (As one client recently wrote in an email :
"The coaching has been amazing. Your approach is amazing - for me at least. I can barely believe the difference in myself since December. I was utterly utterly convinced that I was irreversibly clinically unwell. Now I'm not feeling like that.".
The difference is in the approach, in that in coaching we do not spend a lot of time digging into the causes of the pain/dysfunction in the past but rather focus on removing/overcoming the effects in the present. This is where mindfulness, being totally focused on the present, is such a powerful approach to integrate with coaching.
I would love to think that none of you reading this ever suffer from depression or anxiety but the statistics make this unlikely. In the course of a year, 1 in 4 people will experience some kind of mental health problem - with mixed anxiety and depression being the most common. If you are made unhappy by stress, anxiety or depression I would like to encourage you to read the book referred to above. And you certainly don't need to think of yourself as having a 'mental health problem' to benefit from mindfulness practice. As the authors say :
"The habitual and automatic patterns of mind [worked with] affect virtually all of us until we learn to come to grips with them".
And of course, if you would like to find out more, it's fine to email or 'phone me.
3) And finally - Silent Retreats : Heaven or Hell?
I have recently returned from a 10 day, personal silent retreat at Gaia House - my favourite retreat centre. (A personal retreat means that I was not attending one of the scheduled group retreats - just going under my own steam, following my own schedule etc).
I have noticed over the years that there are two main responses to "I'm going on a silent retreat".
1) "Oh how wonderful. That's just what I need".
2) "Oh I couldn't do that. It would drive me mad"
So I though I would finish with a brief summary - and you can see what you think.
Beautiful house. Beautiful grounds. Birds. Spring flowers. Small light clean room with comfy single bed, lamp, chest of drawers, some hooks and coat hangers, a sink. Radiator. View over fields. Very delicious vegetarian meals provided at 7.30am, 12.30pm and 5.30pm. Tea, coffee etc available at all times. (And every now and then - an unexpected bonus - in the 'Hermitage' wing where personal retreatants stay, a plate of goodies would appear in the little kitchen with a sign saying 'enjoy'. Chocolate biscuits one day, exotic chocolates another, doughnuts another. Yum!).
More important. For almost the whole time the house and grounds are in silence. (I heard someone say "It's as though the silence has soaked into the walls" - and it's true). I knew that nobody was going to knock on my door, speak to me, ask a question or comment on anything I said or did. I had access to a lounge and library overlooking the garden. Lots of books and taped talks - which I could take to my room.
And yes - I did do 6 x 45 minute meditation sessions a day (5 more than usual) which is a lot. But that was my choice.
So - how would you find that? Heaven or hell? (If 'heaven' there is a slight 'catch' in that you need to have done at least one 7 day meditation retreat somewhere before you can do a personal retreat.)
Most of you reading this lead very busy lives. You are constantly reacting and responding to requests and demands from outside yourself - people, phones, email, the news. It's rare to be somewhere where there is no noise - traffic, radio, TV, aeroplanes, voices. People often get out of bed and immediately switch something on. Ditto in the car. They walk or jog in beautiful countryside wearing headphones. They listen to everything and everybody - except themselves.
You deserve some 'time out'. Your body and mind need some time out. Maybe a retreat is not something you desire and/or feel is possible for you. But experiment with silence. Find a quiet place and a quiet time. Start with a few minutes. An hour. A day. A weekend. Sit. Just sit. Breath in. Breath out. Be peaceful.
If you would like to receive future articles via email, please use the Contact the Coach form and change the Subject to 'Please Subscribe'. Your email address will not be used for any other purpose or given to anyone else.
