11 & 12 : It Depends How You Look At It
(This originally went out as two Articles on the same topic so I’ve combined them)
Contents
1. It All Depends How You Look At It.
2. A Confession and a Challenge
3. Spring Haiku - 2
1. It All Depends How You Look At It.
In Newsletter 10 I left you with the question at the end of a Mary Oliver poem :
"What is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
And I’m curious about what your response was to that question?
Do you see your life as ‘wild and precious’?
(The full poem can be read in Article 10)
Seeing your life as ‘wild and precious’ is one possible perspective that you might hold about your life. Your reaction to those words may have made you aware that you hold a different, or additional, perspective.
Perspectives are all about the way we look at things/issues/situations, how we view them, the ‘lens’ we look through, our ‘take’ on them. The 7 step process outlined below is a tool to help people to explore different ways of looking at a particular issue. We often use it in coaching in situations where people’s current perspective isn’t working for them, isn’t leading to useful action. For example, the perspective “I’m unhappy in my job but it’s almost impossible for people my age to find a new job” isn’t going to help someone to become one of those people who, in spite of their age, do find a better, more enjoyable job.
Perspectives are important because they influence so many things - your hopes and dreams and plans and expectations and decisions. These all have an impact on the choices you make and your behaviour. They often function as self-fulfilling prophecies.
Try this. Complete the following sentences :
Being single is ……..
Christmas is a time when ……
Hot weather is ………
Each of the completed sentences represents a perspective that you hold. Many people receive this newsletter – many different perspectives will have been generated.
You can get stuck in a perspective – believing it to be the only or the true perspective. The reality is that there may well be some truth in many different perspectives on the same issue/situation – and sometimes there may be none
eg
Being single is lonely (some truth?)
Being single means I’m free to do what I like (some truth?)
Being single means that I’m unlovable (no truth at all in this one)
I’m doomed to be single all my life (‘doomed’?)
The ‘glass is half full’ and the ‘glass is half empty’ are often quoted examples of two different perspectives.
The Gremlin/Internal Saboteur (see Article 2) is very skilled at generating perspectives which are in no way useful and often downright damaging.
Perspectives are important because they tend to inform, perhaps even dictate, the decisions that you make and the actions that you take – especially if you are caught in just one perspective.
For example, if you believe that “Being single is lonely” is the ‘truth’ – not just one of many possible perspectives, you may spend a lot of time and energy looking for a partner. Whereas, if you believe that “Being single means that I’m free to do as I like” (and by implication that being in a relationship means you are not free) is the ‘true’ perspective, you may be scared of entering into any committed relationship.
If, however, you are prepared to hold both perspectives as possibilities then you are immediately in a place of greater choice; a place where you can explore and experiment.
So the benefit of playing with/exploring a range of perspectives on an issue/situation is that it helps you to access your creativity in a way that frees up your thinking, generates new possibilities and, if you’re stuck, helps you to get unstuck.
The 7 Step Perspectives Process
(It's probably easier to do this with another person guiding you - but it is possible to do it on your own).
Summary
Step 1. Identify the issue you want to explore.
Step 2. Identify, and name, your current perspective on this issue.
Step 3. Generate other perspectives.
Step 4. ‘Inhabit’ each perspective.
Step 5. Choose a perspective.
Step 6. Make a plan from this perspective.
Step 7. Commit to your plan – and TAKE ACTION.
An Example - the 'issue' is your life (thought we'd start with something easy)
Step 1. Identify the issue you want to explore - your life
Step 2. Identify, and name, your current perspective on this issue. Let’s say that it’s “My life’s OK. There are some things I would have liked to have been different but it’s too late now to make any major changes”. We’ll call this the ‘Just OK’ perspective.
Step 3. Generate other perspectives.
There are many ways to generate perspectives. I usually start by asking clients what perspectives they would like to explore. What they suggest will be a function of their individual circumstances. If they get stuck then we can select some random objects in the room eg the exercise bike perspective (hard work & boring), the calendar perspective (time is rushing by) etc. Or they may decide to work with a metaphor where all the perspectives are foods or garden plants or music or animals ….. It really doesn't matter because whatever perspectives you choose will generate new perspectives.
Let’s imagine that you’d chosen to use only animals as your perspectives and had come up with those below.
The Elephant perspective : My life is really grey and heavy and I can’t forget all the mistakes I’ve made.
The Dolphin perspective : My life’s fun. It’s true I have to jump through some hoops sometimes but I also get to play with whatever interesting things come along.
The Mouse perspective : My life isn’t really very important. I’m just one small person and if I’m not careful something might come along and eat me or trample me.
The Eagle perspective : I was born to fly, to soar. My life is about being the most magnificent me I can be, about seeing the big picture rather than being bogged down in detail down there on the ground.
The Sheep perspective : I feel it’s important to go along with crowd, to conform and not risk being too different. I like to feel I belong.
It really doesn’t matter how you generate the perspectives – just that you end up with a range of different ones to explore.
Next write down the perspectives - each one on a separate piece of paper (including your current perspective and, if you like, the ‘my life is wild and precious’ perspective). 6 – 8 perspectives is a good number to work with.
Step 4. 'Inhabit' each perspective.
Imagine (or even mark out) a big circle on the floor and divide it into sections – one for each perspective. At the centre is the issue – Your Life. Then place one piece of paper, with the perspective written on it, in each section.
Choose a perspective to stand in eg the Mouse. Close you eyes, say the perspective out loud and experience how it would be if that were your perspective on your life. Speak from that perspective, expand on it. How do you feel? What’s happening in your body? Do you feel alive, energised, empowered, positive, drained, anxious, bored, resigned, excited…….?
Unless in the middle of a busy public place (and even if you are?) you could try adopting the body language of a mouse. It might sound weird but it will make it easier to connect with the mouse perspective on your life. Body and mind are in constant and powerful communication.
Repeat with the other perspectives, moving to a different section of the circle each time. Maybe go back and revisit some of them. (It’s really important to physically move when working with perspectives).
Step 5. Choose a perspective.
How? Choose whichever perspective led to you feeling most alive, energised, excited, interested etc.
Let’s say it was Eagle. (I was born to fly, to soar. My life is about being the most magnificent me I can be, about seeing the big picture rather than being bogged down in detail down there on the ground.)
Step 6. Make a plan from this perspective.
Ask yourself : From this perspective what next step do I want to take in my life?
Step 7. Commit to your plan Check that you really are committed to your plan. If not, you may need to go back and rethink it.
Then – turn it into ACTION.
2. A Confession and a Challenge
The confession is that when I was part way through writing about working with perspectives I wondered if I had been over ambitious in attempting it. It was designed primarily as a tool for coach and client to work with together and there is no doubt that it’s much easier to use it that way.
On the other hand, it is such a powerful and useful tool that I wanted to share it with all of you.
So the challenge is – try it. Not necessarily on the issue of “My life” but on any issue where you feel you are stuck in a perspective that may not be the most useful one whether that’s to do with work, relationships, leisure, health or anything else.
Work through the steps. And I’d love to hear the results. Even better – book a free introductory session, bring your issue and we’ll work through it together.
3. Spring Haiku - 2
Grasses are misty,
The waters silent –
A tranquil evening.
Yosa Buson (1716 – 1784)
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