22: What is Security?

In 1986 I gave up my job in IT, rented out my house, arranged a big overdraft and went off to Sydney, Australia for 6 months, with my then 9 year old daughter, to participate in a 6 month Personal Development programme called Being of Service. We had the address of a friend of an acquaintance who had offered to accommodate us for the first few nights. Everything else – somewhere to live, a car, school for Debbie – had to be arranged once we were there. Everything worked out just fine.(although I had many fears and fantasies in the months leading up to it). 

On our return, we were sitting in a train at Gatwick Airport and I looked out to see a huge poster advertising a private pension plan. There were two very small children, wearing huge sun glasses, sitting in deck chairs and reading a paper that looked like the Financial Times. The slogan was – “It’s Never Too Soon to Start Planning For Your Retirement”. I felt like turning round and flying straight back to Australia.

Now, I have nothing at all against retirement (or pensions). But I wish someone would put big posters up saying “It’s never too soon to start living in the moment’.

Saving for a pension, planning for one’s retirement and so forth may all be eminently sensible things to do. Where I have a problem with it is when the desire to ensure a ‘secure’ future prevents people living the life they really want to lead in the present.

For example, people have often said to me that they are unhappy in their work but feel they can’t leave because of how it will impact their pension (this seems to apply particularly in the public sector). They say things like – “I’ve only got another 8 years to go”. 8 years! Doing something that makes them unhappy?

There is a quote that says “Security is not having things but handling things”.  I would tweak that slightly to “Security is not having things but trusting that you can handle things”. To me, the first quote implies that if things happen, security means you will be able to handle them. Whereas the second means that I am prepared to make things happen, to initiate them, knowing that, whatever the consequences are, I will be able to ‘handle’ them.

What does ‘security’ mean to you? Does it mean ‘being safe’? Safe from what?

Being able to feel secure is, for most people, a positive thing. It reduces anxiety and stress. But if the focus on creating security in the future means that you are sacrificing quality of life and/or fulfilment and/or fun and/or happiness and/or adventure etc in the present – is it really worth it?

After all, nothing guarantees future security. Think of what has happened with private pension schemes in recent years. Think of what is happening with the housing market at the moment. Not to mention the possible future impacts of global warming, running out of oil, food shortages, water shortages and the many other possibilities that many people prefer not to think about because they are just too frightening.

Many people define security in terms of financial security – a pension, owning their own home, savings, investments etc. That’s one perspective. But if your drive to create security for the future is actually driven mainly by fear then you may actually be creating less real security for yourself. There are some things that you can control in life but there are probably more things that you can’t – “Life is what happens when you’ve made other plans”. And if you haven’t built your ‘handling things’ muscles – the things that happen that you didn’t plan for may feel like disasters.

So –to recap - what I am suggesting is not that it’s in any way ‘wrong’ to want to provide for a secure future – if you can. But that if you are prioritising that over having a fulfilling and interesting life now – it may not be a worthwhile sacrifice.

What does it mean to ‘plan’ for ‘now’?

One of the things that coaches are associated with is setting goals – and I’m happy to work with clients on doing that. But I have to admit that I have very rarely set myself goals – my journey has been more of the “Oh, that’s  an interesting looking door – let’s walk through and see where it leads” kind. I have never had any confidence that it is possible to predict and control the long-term future so I tend to make my decisions based on what feels right now. What’s the next step.

I’m not suggesting this is right for everybody – but I am offering it as another perspective.

What would you be doing differently with your life now if you were prioritising fulfilment, adventure, happiness, fun, aliveness in the present over (assumed) security in the future?

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