20 : Being Free
The event that started me thinking about 'being free' was an excellent symposium I recently attended in Inverness called 'More Than Us - Conversations between Humanity, the Arts and Ecology'. All the speakers were inspirational but one phrase I particularly remember is :
Follow anything except orders and habits.
Freedom is about choice and it may be that you have more choice about whether or not to follow an order than you do about whether or not to follow a habit. Of course, not following orders may have unpleasant consequences (court martial?) but you are usually aware that there is a choice.
Habits are trickier. Habits are often defined in terms of behaviour eg "a recurrent, often unconscious, pattern of behaviour that is acquired through frequent repetition".
But we also have habits of thought - and it's the 'unconscious' aspect that may limit our freedom; the habitual perspectives and beliefs, about how things are and how things should be and what is possible and what is not, that we don't challenge because we don't see them as habits - we see them as facts. As a coach I see this a lot when I am talking to people about coaching.
The conversation goes something like this :
Other : Well, it's very interesting but I don't have any problems.
Me : Coaching isn't necessarily about solving problems. It's about living the most fulfilling life you can.
Other : But my life's already fine.
Me : That's great. But you did just say that you found your work boring and stressful
Other : Oh yes, but there's nothing I can do about that at the moment.
Words and phrases such as "nothing I can do", "can't", "have to", "should", "mustn't expect too much", "don't want to rock the boat" and many others indicate where we are less than free.
According to Marilyn Ferguson, "the other side of every fear is a freedom" - which could be rephrased as "between us and every freedom is a fear".
- fear of disapproval
- fear of failure
- fear of the unknown
Here are some questions relating to the above - some may apply to you, some not. But think carefully and honestly before you dismiss a question as not relevant.
For example, in assertiveness courses I find most people agree with the statement that
I have the right to say 'no'". However, they frequently don't say 'no', even when they want to, because they fear the consequences. If you choose to really think about the questions, and answer them as honestly as you can, you may well create some signposts to greater freedom . Then the next step is to start walking that road - by doing something different (your response to Question 2 below).
Fear of disapproval :
- Who is there in your life that might disapprove of something you did or said? Partner? Parents? Children? Friends? Boss? Colleagues? Professionals (doctor, solicitor etc)? What would you do or say differently if you didn't fear their disapproval?
- What is one thing that you will do?
Fear of failure :
- Is there anything you would like to do that you don't do in case you 'fail'? Apply for a new job? Undertake a course of study? Risk another relationship? Learn a new skill? Take your driving test? What new things would you do/attempt if you didn't fear failure?
- What is one thing that you will do?
Fear of the unknown :I
- Is there anything about your life that you would like to change but haven't because you fear the unknown? Going from employed to self-employed? Leaving an unsatisfactory relationship? Moving from town to country or vice-versa? Changing career direction? What changes would you make if you didn't fear the unknown?
- What is one change that you will make?
You could add some of your own fears to my list and ask similar questions - and I would be very interested to hear of any decisions you have made as a result of answering those questions.
Here are a few quotes to end with :
"Freedom is not worth having if it does not connote freedom to err.
"None are so hopelessly enslaved as those who falsely believe they are free." Goethe
"Freedom lies in being bold." Robert Frost
"Everything can be taken from a man[or woman] but ... the last of the human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way." Victor Frankl (Psychiatrist and concentration camp survivor)
