15 : “You Got to Have a Dream”
“You got to have a dream, if you don't have a dream
How you gonna have a dream come true?”
From South Pacific by Rodgers and Hammerstein
An on-going conversation between coaches is how to answer the question “So what exactly is coaching?” My latest definition is that it’s a ‘Process for converting Hopes, Dreams and Good Intentions into Reality’.
The ‘power of intention’ is very fashionable at the moment. For example, in a recent book of that name by Wayne Dwyer he talks, according to the Amazon review, about “tapping into a universal source of energy that can also be called the "power of intention." And about “co-creating with source”. This is the metaphysical approach and, not being a metaphysicist, I will leave it to others more experienced in this field to present that view. (Metaphysics could be defined as ‘beyond physics’).
However, whatever the reason, the more people I coach, the more frequently I notice that there is indeed something very powerful about a clear intention. Maybe there is some ‘universal field’ that powerful intentions work with – or maybe it’s just about how they impact our own mind, both at the conscious and the unconscious level, and thereby our behaviour. And when we change our behaviour we get different results.
The first step in turning an Intention into a Result is to have a really clear picture of what the result will look like. What do you really want. Is this an easy question to answer? Years ago I was working with a group of people who had been made redundant and part of the course was 1-1 interviews with me. Word got back to me that some people had come out saying that I had given them ‘a hard time’. This concerned me so I checked what it was that I’d done that was so challenging.
I’d asked them what they wanted.
Why might this be a scary or challenging question?
- You might not get it and have to deal with the disappointment.
- You might have a belief that thinking about what you want (with the emphasis on ‘you’) is selfish.
- You might feel that if you are ‘greedy’ ie not satisfied with what you already have (assuming it’s ‘good enough’) you will be punished (by ????). This may sound irrational and superstitious – but it’s not uncommon even if not consciously recognised. In fact I still occasionally notice this one popping up myself. (You don’t have to ‘get rid of’ such beliefs – just don’t let them make your decisions for you).
So instead of deciding what you really want (your ‘dream’) you start to compromise. You’re at point A. You really want to get to Z. You can’t imagine how to get to Z from A so you settle for, say, M. One of the most common reasons people abandon a dream ‘at birth’ is that they can’t see how to achieve it – and assume that that means that they can’t achieve it. Which it doesn’t. It just means that – from point A – you can’t see all the steps that will get you to Z.
However, if you allow yourself to specify Z as your end point, you might be able to see a step you could take that’s in the right general direction. You take it – now you’re at B. And from B you can see C – which you couldn’t see from A.
Summarising this
- Create the picture, the vision, of the dream.
- Start taking steps towards achieving it – even if you don’t believe they will ever get you there.
There’s a famous quote, attributed to Goethe, that I kept pinned up over my desk after I decided to leave my career in IT, sell my house, and go (with my 9 year old daughter) to Australia to participate in a 6 month training programme called Being of Service – to learn skills for working with people to increase their personal empowerment.
"Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative and creation, there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now."
Commit yourself to your dream. And commit yourself to starting to take actions that will move you towards it.
Here’s an example that illustrates both the importance of allowing yourself to have a dream and the importance of taking steps towards making it happen.
When my daughter was about 14 she attended a presentation at Bristol Zoo and decided that she would like to be a marine biologist. In particular, she wanted to work with whales and dolphins but said “But I know that’s what everybody wants to do so I know its not realistic”. My reply was “Some people do work with whales and dolphins – decide to be one of those people”. (Her school had also told her that she was “no good at science”).
Sixteen years, one BSc, one MSc and one PhD later, she is Project Officer for the Dolphin Space Programme. Her next dream is to have her own ecotourism, education and research business. She investigated property prices – and was disheartened to discover she would need a 30% deposit which she felt would take years to save. So I suggested she opened a bank account and set up a SO for whatever she could afford every month which she did immediately. Step A to step B. I was impressed that she did this and so also set up a monthly SO. Step B to step C. It’s still not possible to see how she’ll get to Z. But we are both sure that she will.
If you were a possible investor or business partner which statement would most inspire and engage you?
- “I’d like to buy a property in …. from which to run a ecotourism, education and research business but I’ve looked into property prices and I don’t see how I’ll ever be able to afford a deposit”
- “I have a dream I’m really passionate about which is to run an ecotourism, education and research project in …. And I’ve already opened a bank account and started transferring money into it every month”.
By taking these first steps she is not only signalling to other people that she is serious and committed – even more importantly she is signalling it to herself.
But coming back to defining the Goal/Dream. Many of you will be familiar with setting SMART Goals :
- Specific
- Measurable
- Achievable
- Relevant
- Time-related
For example, a fuzzy goal would be “I intend to give up my job and start my own business”
The SMART version would be “By January 1st, 2009, I will have given in my notice and be running my own business as a …….. . My monthly turnover will be …….”.
Well, its true that the SMART version is more likely to get you into action, and get you there, than the fuzzy version. But by only setting a goal this way you’re only working with part of your mind-brain. The conscious part. The logical, verbal part.
Goals/dreams become much more vivid and motivational and exciting if you do actually ‘picture’ them. One way to do this would be to create a scrapbook/folder/box of some sort. Let’s say your dream is to move to Scotland and run an adventure holidays business. In your scrapbook could go :
- estate agent details of the sorts of properties you’d like to buy
- photographs of the area you’d like to live in
- catalogues from companies who provide the sort of equipment you’ll need
- contact details of people who say they would be interested in that type of holiday
- pages printed off the web of holidays run by existing companies who have ideas that inspire you
- a week’s imaginary diary entries for when your business is up and running, describing how you are spending your days, how you are feeling
- etc. etc. etc.
What people often say is “But there’s no point doing that now. It’s all too far away. First I have to figure out how to raise the money.”.
Wrong!
First you have to put ‘flesh’ on the dream, get excited about it, get other people excited about it – and maybe then the ‘universe’ will decide to ‘co-create’ with you.
Be a ‘scientific metaphysicist’. Take the experimental approach. Try it and see if it works.
This will be the last email Article until after the New Year – so rather than setting New Year resolutions why not create some new life dreams instead?
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