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Passing It On…...‘You Couldn't Make It Up’……

by Bernie Bell - 09:19 on 07 January 2025

Passing It On….

I read the following on Matthew Manning’s Facebook page…

"EMPATHY IS PASSED DOWN AT LEAST THREE GENERATIONS

Parents play such a meaningful role in their children’s well-being and the adults their children become. A recent 25-year study showed how empathy can be passed down three generations: from parent to child, to that child’s future children.

First, researcher Jessica Stern and her colleagues measured mothers’ empathy for their 13-year-olds during a conversation. Next, when the teens were 13 to 19-years-old, they measured teens’ empathy for their closest friends during another conversation. Later, the researchers followed the teens into parenthood up until their own children were three to eight-years-old.

At that point, they surveyed the second generation’s empathy for their children, asking about how they provided supportive responses when their children were distressed. Finally, the second-generation parents completed questionnaires about their own young children’s empathy.

The teenagers who received greater empathy from their mothers tended to show greater empathy to their close friends. In turn, those teens went on to have greater empathy for their children after becoming parents - and, in turn, their children tended to have greater empathy for others.

These findings suggest that empathy is “paid forward” across relationships and over time. Teenagers whose mothers are sensitive, emotionally engaged, and supportive learn how to be the same for their close friends. Caring for a friend as a teenager, the researchers say, may act as a “training ground” to help strengthen teenagers’ empathy muscle into adulthood when they become parents.

And from there, the cycle continues.

(The study was published in the journal Child Development.)"

And commented, thus….

“I'm forever grateful for being born into the family I was born into - my parents loved each other, and loved us, and showed it.

Unfortunately, this 'passing it on' principle can work the other way. Here's something I wrote a while ago, and I think it's relevant..........

‘It usually goes back and back and back through families. Grown-ups can find the resources to help themselves out of their muddles, it's harder for a child, who is still trying to figure out the whole business of life and grown-ups and EVERYTHING! I wrote this poem about someone I know who has been very damaged by his family life. I should point out that by "spoilt" here, I mean literally spoilt, as in when something or someone starts off O.K. (as we all do), and then gets 'spoilt' as in messed up. Here it is........

A spoilt child, spoils their child,

If no-one tries to right 'em,

Then that child,

Spoils another child,

And so

Ad infinitum.

It's based on that "Big fleas have little fleas, on their backs to bite 'em" poem, I can't remember who it's by.

Maybe what it takes is someone along the line to take the time to look hard at the situation and take the time to take action to break the pattern, so that, hopefully, more people don't get messed up. That's why taking time matters. You might be the one who takes the time to listen to someone and think about their situation, and try to help them if you can, and if they let you! That's often the problem, people are all wrapped up in themselves and don't take the time to listen to other people and look at how they're behaving, and think about it. That's often all it takes to begin to understand them, and with understanding, acceptance can follow. Taking time is definitely one of the best things a person can do. Either to listen, or to talk, or to think, or just to BE.

Why not take time? Either for yourself, or for others.”

Then I thought I’d post it here.

**************************************************************

You couldn't make it up........

“They keep coming, these bits of writing. If too much, please block. I guess they might only be interesting to people trying their hands at writing a realistic novel, or at being seriously ill.

Anyway, by knocking them out, I clear my evening to work on the actual first draft.

I keep encountering fictional problems which, at some stage, probably when I turn the hand-written first draft into a second draft on my olde worlde non-internet connected desk top computer, I’m going to have to think about.

Such as, one of my characters is a famous costume designer for biggish budget films. At the beginning of the book, she is flying first class from LAX to LGW, after attending an event in Hollywood.

I have to make up the films she’s been involved with, whilst still trying to cling to the idea of realism. On the plane, someone asks her what her next project is, and she answers, the live action Bob the Builder film.

I thought this a plausible, if idiotic, idea.

I found out today that such a film is in development, and is being produced by Jennifer Lopez.

I’m keeping the idea that my character is working on the movie for now, but will be checking in regularly with ‘Hollywood Reporter’ so that I can follow Ms. Lopez’s progress.

Today’s Soundtrack: Since readers will now need a cure for earworms, can I please recommend trying Finnish/Estonian rune singing? ‘Raudan sinty’ by Suden aike made my musical day. It’s about the origin of iron.

Today’s writing tip ‘If the prose isn’t there, then you’re reduced to what are merely secondary interests, like story, plot, characterisation, psychological insight and form.’ - Martin Amis

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