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TOMMY COOPER JOKES......
Whisky
1) I'm on a whisky diet . . . last week I lost three days!
Doctor
2) I said to the doctor, 'It hurts when I do this' [raises arm]. He said, 'Well, don't do it.'
Gambling
3) Gambling has brought our family together. We had to move to a smaller house.
Cannibals
4) Two cannibals were eating a clown – one said to the other, 'Does he taste funny to you?'
Sleep
5)I sleep like a baby . . I wake up screaming every morning around 3am.
Ballet
6) I was a dancer once in Swan Lake. I fell in.
Doctor
7) I said to the doctor, 'Can you give me something for my liver?' He gave me a pound of onions.
Undertakers
8) Never trust an undertaker. He'll always let you down.
Pork chops
9) I bought some pork chops and told the butcher to make them lean. He said, 'Which way?'
Jester
10) What do you call an out-of-work jester? Nobody's fool!
